xx

Wow, I did not expect the response that I received from my last post! I didn't even think anyone would read it so I hadn't really planned on writing another one, but here I am! I want to say thank you so much to everyone who took their time out to read my blog last time. The kind and encouraging words I got back was so overwhelming! I am super grateful for you all. Well since my last post, I moved house! Which is also why I haven't really had time to write another post! I have moved back to the Waikato from the Bay of Plenty to be closer to Waikato hospital. I have been thinking about what to write in this blog and I thought as well as it being my outlet/ diary, I wanted to make it a little educational. So in this post I want to write about my diseases- what they are and how they effect me. So my disease diagnoses are Autoimmune hepatitis, Autoimmune haemolytic anaemia, Crohns, Ulcerative Colitis (UC), Primary Sclerosing Cholangitis (I'll refer to this as PSC because who has time to write, let alone read those long words that mean absolutely nothing if you don't know about it), and Anxiety and Depression disorder.

Lets start with Autoimmune Hepatitis-
Autoimmune Hepatitis is a liver disease that comes about when your immune system starts to attack the organ. I was diagnosed with this in 2012 when I was having chronic liver pain. (it sounds so strange because who even knows that their liver hurts, right? I never realised it was liver pain until I woke up yellow one day and ended up in the hospital for the first time. The way I explain this pain is like intense indigestion, like indigestion pain times 10,000! I remember the first time this happened, I had friends over for a sleep over but I ended up sleeping in mum and dads bed because I was in so so soooo much pain! It was actually really scary because I had never been sick before in my life, I had no idea what was going on! The side effects that come with this disease is fatigue, joint pain/ stiffness, chronic pain and sometimes discolouration of the skin and eyes. It isn't often that I get yellow skin but when my liver is in a flare, my eyes do turn yellow! When pain hits, it is always out of the blue. I don't eat a lot of heavy meats (like red meat) because i can eat it, be fine and then 10 minutes after eating, i can be on the floor crying in pain and really struggling to breathe.

Following this disease is PSC-
This list of diagnoses aren't in order by the way, I just thought it was a good follow up from the last one 😋
PSC is a liver condition where the bile ducts in your liver close or scar over and, due to inflammation, prevents bile, that is being produced in the liver, to be released and help break down food. So basically, it builds up in your liver and the pain is quite literally unbearable, it is truly debilitating. This is probably my scariest disease to be honest. I have procedures every 6 months to a year where they put a camera down my throat and try to open up the bile ducts (it's called an ERCP procedure) don't ask me what the procedure stands for because I have absolutely noo idea! My specialists say I need it so I just say okay, whatever helps! It is a pretty easy procedure, I am asleep the whole time! My latest procedure was so painful though, when I woke up, I was in so much pain. They gave me ketamine and I genuinely thought I was dying! I was screaming in the recovery room "WHY DO PEOPLE TAKE THIS SHIT RECREATIONALLY!" it was quite literally next level 😂. The way this disease effects me is really just the pain. I mean after one of my procedures my specialist told me that in the next 2-10 years (lol) I will be needing a full liver transplant- other than that playing on my mind quite a bit, it is just the pain that really gets to me! I am on steroids to help with the pain but it only really takes the slightest edge off, nothing else helps with the pain! But on my pain days, I just stay in bed, relax and sleep! I mean it's all I really can do but like I always say, it could be so much worse. PSC is a very uncommon disease but my doctors always say to me that I don't do things in halves, I have autoimmune hepatitis, of course I also have to have PSC!

I'll do the next two together because they are kind of similar! Crohns and Ulcerative colitis (UC)-
I was first diagnosed with Ulcerative colitis so let's start there. Ulcerative colitis is pre-cancer. It targets your colon (Large bowel) and it is pretty much filled with ulcers! When I was first diagnosed with UC I was 17 but I was having symptoms since I was 15. My symptoms were constant diarrhoea, blood in my stools, vomiting, stomach pain whenever I ate, 20-30+ bowel motions a day and drastic weight loss. UC was the reason I had surgery for my first colostomy bag and feeding tube. My colon was removed and we thought it was the end to all the bowel issues. Big emphasis on the thought. After my reversal, everything went down hill again. Weight loss, exhaustion, no appetite, 20-30+ bowel motions again, blood in my stools again (remembering I have no colon so I thought constant diarrhoea was normal...) I went to my specialist, had a colonoscopy done and boom, I was diagnosed with Crohns disease. Again, I don't do things in halves 😂 Crohns is more debilitating that UC in my opinion. Crohns can affect the whole digestive tract from your mouth right down to your bum. Like the bottomest bottom of your bum you can think of! Both ulcerative colitis and crohns both have to be diagnosed with an endoscopy (camera down your throat) or a colonoscopy (camera up your bum). They are both inflammatory diseases and occur when your immune system attacks the organ, kind of like auto immune hepatitis, just a different organ.. obviously. Crohns disease was the reason for my colostomy bag/ stoma this time and also the reason I had a feeding tube at the end of last year. They have both had an impact on y life but because my colon is removed (due to UC), crohns gives me a more constant battle. But to be honest, I love love love my stoma, his name is Rudolph (Both times I have had him, I have got him around Christmas) and he has brought me back a decent quality of life!

Next we have Autoimmune haemolytic anaemia- 
I'm going to be real here and say that this disease doesn't effect me in a big way at all... I mean I am a walking, breathing banana, I bruise if you just tap me but other than that, I don't know a lot about this disease. I know that it means that my immune system thinks that my red blood cells are a foreign object in my body and attacks them and I know that it is really rare but other than that, the only symptoms I get from it is like a rapid heart beat (my resting is usually 90-110 bpm). I should probably google about it and see what it is but I never trust google. My other diagnoses effect me a lot more so I am happy enough not knowing 😂 but please don't be like me, if you are diagnosed with something, please do your research because it is actually really helpful- all of my other diseases, I have done pretty extensive research on them to get to know what they are and what I can do to help keep things at bay!!!

Finally we have Anxiety and Depression- TRIGGER WARNING OF SUICIDE!!!!!!
This could be pretty sombre, but I like to think of myself as a pretty positive person so I will try not to be too Debbie downer! I believe that my anxiety and depression is triggered by the thoughts of "What my life could have been". I was swimming for New Zealand, I wanted to be a nurse, I wanted to live overseas and most of all, I wanted to be able to work full time. I get really down when I see everyone around me heading to work every day. There are days of the week that I cant even get out of bed, let alone get out of bed and go to work for 8 hours. I mean I had a degree, I graduated last year with a bachelor of Early Childhood Education, but I cant work a normal day and i'm not going to lie, it gets me down. I take medication for my mental health but it has taken years to be put on the right one. At the end of last year my doctor and I were trying out different medications for my depression because Fluoxetine had stopped working for me. This was the lowest point in my life. I was so so so sick, I was the smallest i had ever been, my pills were going straight through me, i wasn't eating, I was so so so depressed and anxious about what was happening with my health. I felt like a burden to everyone! One night I got so deep into my head that i thought what even is the point in life so I tried to overdose on Codine. THANK GOODNESS IT DIDN'T WORK! Because if it had, I wouldn't be where I am today- the happiest I have ever been and some what healthy. Now what I really want to get across here is that you honestly are never alone. I am here for you, I never want anyone to feel the way I felt, so please, if you are feeling low, lonely, suicidal please message me. There is absolutely no judgement here, nothing is too small or too big! I don't care if we have never talked before, please message me! You genuinely always have a friend in me. I am so so so grateful my suicide attempt didn't work, at the time I didn't see the light at the end of the tunnel, I wasn't excited about the future or anything like that. But now, I am the happiest ever, I have a plan for my future, 💕I have the most amazing friends (Ali, Megan, Pietta, Simone, Rushlee, Viv, Lauren, Xanda, Chris just to name a very small few) who are always there to make me laugh and talk too.
♡The worlds best and most supportive boyfriend (Con) who is quite literally my world. He is always always always there for me, always there to have a shoulder to cry on, always loving me even when he wakes up and my bag has leaked so is laying next to my shit 😂 I couldn't do this life without my better half. The love I have for this man is out of this world. 
💕I have my Birth mum, Nicky, my brother, Liam and my substitute birth dad, Scott. I wouldn't be who I am today without these three, my bestest friends and family. They have been there for me every step of the way, loved me unconditionally, never left my side and have been there to make me laugh so much till I snort.
♡And of course my parents? I cant even begin to explain my gratitude and love for them, they are my everything. They have never once failed to be there for me where it be my health or mental health journey. I cant even put into words how thankful I am. I could tell them every day how much I love them and it would never be enough. 
There are so many people who love and care for you, you are never ever alone!

Anyway, again, if you have got this far, well done! Thank you for reading about my health journey and conditions!! If you have any suggestions on what I can write my next blog post about, message my instagram (ally.vs.chronicillness). It is my goal to try and get at least one of these posted every week, but we will see how long that lasts 🙈 
Have a beautiful Monday my friends, love you all heaps
☺💞