It's been a while since I wrote on here! I had a break from social media because my mental health was struggling a little! But I've had a decent 2-3 week break from facebook and I feel so much better.

Looking after your mental health is so important. Since I can't work, I am at home all day and I found that I was just scrolling social media, comparing my life to everyone around me and it got a bit toxic. I started to feel like I was a failure and that isn't a good place to be, so I deleted all social media apps off my phone and it was such a nice cleanse! I am feeling so much more positive.

Lately I have been thinking about the last 10 years. I have been sick for 10 years!! It is a little crazy when I think about it, I still think about where and when things went so wrong! But over the last month, I have changed my mindset a little and thought about how fucking strong I have been. It may seem cocky and that's fine but I have been through a lot and to be honest, I think I have done bloody well. Yes, there have been times that it nearly ended because of my own doings, but it didn't! I am here and I am stringer than ever. I have started to change the thoughts of "This is all my fault" to "yes things could have been different, but they aren't and I wouldn't be where I am today if it wasn't for this wild rollercoaster of a journey".

I am 26 with 5 chronic illnesses, sure, but I am also 26 living in my first house, with my forever person, I have the best parents, I have the most amazing birth mum, brother, and my birth mums husband who I see as my birth dad, I have the best team at the hospital, I have the most amazing friends in and outside of the chronic illness community, I am happy, I have overcome the darkest place of my depression and I am still here. I can't say there aren't hard days because of course there are but who doesn't have hard days, you know?

I want to talk about my friends actually, lets get into that. It is super hard to bring people in to your life when you are chronically ill, when you are writing this massive story and they don't understand. There are people who use you for your health and excuses, there are people who want to get to know you because they are nosey and there are people who were 'there' before, and come back into your life because they feel bad and they want to make themselves feel better. It's super hard to trust new, and even old, people and of course, I have lost a lot of friends during my journey but I want to focus on the people who have stayed.

Lets start with the two girls who have been there since day dot- Ali and Pietta. Now with all friends there have been ups and downs within our friendship but these two girls have never failed to be there when I needed them. They have been by my side in the hospital, getting dressed in hospital gowns with me so I don't feel so out of place, they have been a shoulder to cry on, they have rubbed my back when vomiting after surgery but most importantly they have never treated me differently. 

Then there is Megan, my little sister. I lived with Megan for aaaages and I kid you not, she made me dinner, cleaned my room, made my bed, did my washing and always asked if I needed anything when I felt sick. She took time to learn about my diseases and what I needed when I was unwell. There's not many people who can come into my life half way through my story and stay! I can be a right bitch when I feel sick and like she never got mad or judged me! She knew what to do when I was sick and she also knew what not to do 😂😂

Then I have my family friends like Rushlee, Viv, Don, Jenni, Paul, Kelly, Nicola, Helen and Colin- Just to name a few. I don't really see these people as 'family friends' these people are family. The people who have helped not just me, but helped my parents. These amazing people have shown me that family isn't always blood. 

I can honestly say that my mental health is always improved by knowing that I will always have these people in my life. And of course it is helped by my parents and Conor- but that just goes without saying right? If not- my parents and Conor are my life savers, they are my world, my heart, my soul, my bestest friends ever and my biggest loves. I genuinely wouldn't be who I am today without these three.

When you have bad mental health days it is super hard to see the positives, and I have been there, I know what it feels like to not see any positives throughout the day. I find it super important to take a step back and appreciate the small things. When I was off social media, I literally started to appreciate the air that I was breathing- like for the first time I realised how fresh it is. Ew that sounds so poetic and lame but it's true! Taking time off social media may not work for everyone but it definitely worked for me. It is so important to take time to realise what may be affecting your mental health and to eliminate that thing. It was super hard for me to delete all of my socials because I didn't know what I was going to do with myself but bringing that challenge into my day gave me the sense of accomplishment. Taking this time has helped me so much.

Anyway, if you have got this far- well done! It was a bit of a ramble and a little bit of an appreciation post for the amazing people in my life.

If you are struggling with your mental health please know you are not alone! I am always here to talk to and help in any way that I can. I hope you all have a beautiful weekend and appreciate all of the small things in life. 

I love you all,

Ally xx